4 years later

Exactly 4 years ago I was in a hospital room in Oxnard, Ca. I'd like to say something awesome like I was meditating on the Bible, listening to soothing worship music, and getting a back rub from my hubby while I worked through contractions like they were nothing, but let's be realy here. I was snuggled up with my huge noodle pillow, passed on asleep from a combination of benadryl and epidural drugs probably drooling, as my body prepared for the entrance of our beautiful firstborn babe in just shy of 3 hours now. Crazy. Just crazy.

And fast forward through the quickest 4 years of my life. I just tucked the sweetest, cutest, funniest, most amazing boy into bed after watching some freaky Shark show with him (at his request), reading a book, singing a song and non stop giggles because he really wanted to sing happy birthday and I kept telling him we couldnt until tomorrow.Then as I left his room I heard him singing Happy Birthday to himself and giggling like crazy. Then I let Brutus up to his room and got to overhear bits and pieces of an intense converation Brayden had with him about the fact that it is his birthday tomorrow and how big he is getting and he's going to be four, etc. Insert lump in throat, eyes welling up, heart overflowing here :) and for the rest of this post.

I'm a nostalgic chic. I might not have much about myself figured out, as I like to think of myself very much as a work in progress, but emotions are something I have no problem feeling and sharing. My hubby and kids bring this out like no other.

Last year, Brayden was a brand new big brother, loved pirates, and refused to potty train. Those are the first three things that come to mind. This year, he's a "veteran" big brother, fiercely indepent (at times), and finding his own identity more everyday. I feel like this year I went from being a mom to two babies, to being a mom to a toddler and a boy way too quickly. Instead of clinginess, separation anxiety, and serious attachment, I have this all boy, in love with sharks, destined to be the next superhero, wants to do everything on his own, can't wait to be dropped off at his grandparent's house little boy. And he rocks. Every single step of the last 4 years has totally rocked.

Your firstborn changes you in ways that another baby never can. That says nothing about love or relationship, it just says a lot about how your first child grows you and grows up with you. That's so true with Bray. He's such a huge help to me, and has the most willing and sweetest personality. He helps me with chores, willingly, and even asks to help, he LOVES his family, and he LOVES his friends. Stop, pause. He loves, whole heartedly, deeply, with compassion and deep rooted care. He worried when we tell him his friend is sick, he worried after his Papa had surgery, he gets very very sad when he realizes he isn't going to see family members for awhile, etc. If I had to pick one characteristic to focus on about Brayden, it would be his love. It will get him so far in life, and it will and has already touched so many people in our lives and I'm so blessed to have such a caring boy. 

He loves superheroes right now, like loves them. He'll be the first to tell you that Wolverine is his favorite and that he's going to get his claws when he gets bigger (there's a big long story that goes with that, for another time). He'll probably tell you a bunch of nonsensical stories about various superhero stuff he has, has watched, super powers, how weapons are used, etc. I love it. He loves sharks. Now, another pause. Is it any wonder that Mike's favorite thing ever as a child was X-men, in particular Wolverine, and that he is somewhat shall I say obsessed with sharks?  Hmmm, like father like son much? So, his birthday party is going to be superheroes and boy I can't wait. If my parent's thought I was bad as a kid begging for my presents, I'm ten times worse as an adult trying to contain my excitement over the stuff I get to do for my child. I'm super grateful that I married a guy that is the exact same way too :-).

Anyways, this post went a million ways I wasn't expecting it too, but that's how my brain seems to work these days. This birthday seems big to me, though its not a milestone birthday. It's the last year Brayden will be home with my and Paytin before he goes to school for the rest of his time in our house, its the last full year I get to be totally selfish and keep him all to myself. It's a big year as he keeps finding his boyhood identity, maybe playing a community sport, continuing on in Awana, etc. I guess there isn't something "big" that is happening, but just another year, right at our fingertips, and before I know it I will be sitting in the same spot next year, barely able to remember doing this right now, because I have another year chocked full of memories and life as a mom.

Happy birthday to the second love of my life, to my firstborn, to my only son, my best buddy, my Brayden Asher!