Stay awhile longer...

Stay little awhile longer, with your baby chub still there, with your long eyelashes framing your eyes full of wonder. Stay little while longer with your Cheetos stained fingers, chubby baby toes and curious questions. Stay little while longer and let me cuddle you in my arms, and stroke your beautiful blonde locks and giggle with you. Stay little awhile longer, let me kiss all your boo boos away, listen to the storybooks with your wide eyed imaginations and ask for one more kiss, one more hug. Stay little awhile longer in the days where you want to snuggle in our bed, with our Eskimo kisses and our bear hugs, and where you insist on being shown with our hands and arms just how much we love you, though no measurement could even come close.

Oh how I wish you both would just stay right where you are, 4.5 and 20 months old, with all the personality and imagination and dreams and laughter that you bring. I look forward to the bigger children you will become but I know each and every step of the way I will be wishing you could stay little awhile longer my loves!

Firsts

A short and sweet blog post, but one worth noting. Brayden had his first sleepover at a friend's house this past weekend! I should have snapped a picture to document it, but alas, it happened so fast! We went to our friends' house for Super Bowl and our boys are best buds, so when they both asked if Bray could sleep over, we couldn't help but say yes. We didn't head home until about 9, and he had to be dropped off first thing in the morning, so it was literally him just sleeping over. But he was so cute bounding up the stairs the next morning in his jammies with his blanket talking about how much fun he had had at Quinten's house!

Take a Walk

Seems like I've been in a funk, maybe a bit bluesy, or just kind of in a rut for a little while now. Nothing serious, just seems like I have been going through the motions and trying to "get through" things rather then enjoy them. I know everyone goes through times in life like these where you have to work harder to have a joyful heart and see the glass half full instead of half empty. One thing I can say about times like these, is when you find a special "joyful" moment, it can touch your heart in a big way, for no specific reason.

No big journal entry here, but I was able to get home with the kids early enough yesterday to take a walk outside. I have had Spring fever for a couple weeks now and had been dying to get out in the sunshine all week, even if there is still plenty of snow on the ground. Turned out I had a flat tire on the jogging stroller and I explained to Brayden about pumping up a tire and asked him if he wanted to help. He was so excited and it was a great reminder to me again that we can always find joy in the smallest of things, even if they are chores. He laid right down on the asphalt and got plenty dirty trying to figure out just the right way to get it on the tire to get the air in, and was so proud to feel the tire go from "squishy to hard" because he did it right. He was even proud to be all dirty, which usually isn't his favorite thing. It was so sweet to see his face beaming with pride!

On the way home later in the walk, after he had taken the turn to push Paytin in the stroller, he decided to race. I let him get pretty far ahead of me (remind you, we live in a TINY town, so I wasn't worried about traffic or cars), probably about 30-40 feet, and then I asked him to stop and wait for me. He stopped for a second, turned around and explained to me that he was a big boy and he wanted too and could walk home all by himself. He didn't say it arguing, just with a kind of pride in himself and what he knew he was big enough to do. I was really proud of him. It's small I know, but I love seeing him grow up, and watching him  believe in himself, take pride in the new things he is able to do. So I let him keep on walking ahead of us, being able to see him the whole time, except for the end of the walk where Paytin and I just had to race him home....he won :).

Cleaner Upper

Brayden: Mom, can you please throw away my plate in the garbage?
And clean up the mess I made on the table?
...And on the chair?
...And on the floor?
Pretty Please?


Hey, at least he asked, right?

Leave it to Beaver

Since I first saw this quote, I have thought about it daily. Even more than that, I talk about it daily. I found that it resonated so much with a lot of the trials I face outwardly and inwardly that it became became a comfort to repeat this quote to myself and realize how many other people are struggling with this same problem. I think if we are all honest, we've all struggled with this at some point or another. 

I never realized that I was the holder of such high expectations. I've read so many articles on how negatively that can affect your marriage, your parenting, even your own self esteem and yet I never realized that was something I struggled with so much. See, I never thought I was really high maintenance. People gawk at me when I tell them I dont use the same toothpaste, shampoo, makeup, lotion but that I buy whatever is on sale. At any given time I dont have more than 15-20 shirts in my closet and I cant remember a time in my life I owned more than 10 pair of shoes, or even 10 pairs of shoes at all! I am a plain Jane, not by wish, not by trying, not for attention, just because I am. 

But see, I had high expectations of my life without even realizing them. That might be even more dangerous then having high expectations and knowing it! Because, I didn't make my expectations known to myself or others, until I was trying to figure out why I wasn't ok with what was going on in my life. I didn't realize how much I wanted to be a stay at home mom until I had kids, and therefore, didn't plan the best to be able to get there, and have had to work a good amount of the time since I've had kids. I didn't realize how much I wanted to have family dinners every night until my husband worked the night shift and I fed kids at 5:30 and ate dinner with my husband at 8:30 or 9. Those are just two pieces of a rather large pie, but you get the drift. 

I find that I am given daily the opportunity to either be disappointed in my life because it is not what I expected, or embrace new opportunities. I wont lie and say that there aren't plenty of the dissapointed and pitying days, because I wish I was staying at home, or that my husband was home at night, or that we could manage to keep a schedule for more than a week, etc. But there are lots of days to embrace an opportunity to experience the difference in each day, and the opportunity to build new healthier goals that work within your life now, rather than unrealistic dreams that are only set up to let you down. 

I've found that sometimes I dream of the life where I stay home and wear an apron all day cooking and baking and cleaning and my kids play happily and eat every healthy meal and snack I provide to them, and that my husband comes home and plays with them while I finish cooking a delicious and healthy meal, we eat together in joyous unity, share the chores of cleaning up, spend quality time together, before sharing the job of getting kids to bed, and enjoying alone time together. I was looking for Leave it to Beaver....

But see, Leave it to Beaver didn't have Mike, doing a job he is so excellent and gifted at, serving others in his community, even if it takes him away more than we would like, even if its not the schedule we had envisioned. Leave it to Beaver didn't have Brayden or Paytin in it, or our three crazy dogs, or even our small mountain town that gives us the most beautiful seasons even if sometimes I get cabin fever. Sometimes I ask myself why I didn't finish college before I had kids so that right now I wouldn't be struggling so hard to go back, but that wouldn't be MY life. Whatever decisions I've made, God had planned out for me, because this isn't the normal life, this is my life, and it's my job to make it amazing!

A beautiful Thanksgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving yesterday with family in our own home. The morning started with Brayden and I making a Homemade Dutch Apple Pie together and the rest of the day went just as seemlessly and created lots of new fun memories. I knew this year would be feeling like it was lacking without Mike's Dad there, and it did, but I couldnt help but feel his presence among us and feel God's hand on our day allowing things to go as well as they did and allow everyone to really enjoy spending time together. Mike fried two turkeys, Mike's mom made a bunch of delicious food but nothing can top her famous Butternut Squash Soup, and I chimed in with some crockpot mashed potatoes, a green bean casserole, and the pie. Mike's partner was able to come join us later in the day since the guys had to work last night, and Mike's Aunt and Uncle and Mike's Brothers family were all able to join us for the day of festivities. We didn't have some nicely decorated table, and Martha Stewart wouldn't have been impressed with our "eat anywhere but not out in the cold" approach, but I thought it was perfect, kids playing, ladies taking turns in the kitchen, laughter, music, football, the Macy's parade, turkey frying in the garage, etc. I'm so grateful for all the little blessings in my life and don't want to lose sight of the special moments like Mike holding Paytin on his lap just before he had to go to work while I fed her her Thanksgiving dinner, or Brayden's silliness as we worked on the pie together, my teenage sister in law standing strong and smiling on the first holiday without her Daddy, a mother in law who puts together food and preperations like its not hard at all,....we are so very blessed for another year, and another Holiday Season to be among us!

No Way

There is no way to catch up on the blogging I have missed in the last 4 months. And even though I have several "drafts" created through those 4 months that never quite made it to the page because of one thing or another, I still miss my blogging. So instead of trying to catch up, I'm jsut going to keep going as if I never stopped. Yes thats a 4 month gap in time, but, we'll just have to let it be for now!

Brayden is just about to finish up his first season of soccer. I had no idea how much he, or I, or our family would love him being involved in his first sport. He had a great group of kids on his team, and even though he was the youngest, and the smallest, that didn't deter him in the slightest. He always felt like one of the team and all the kids always treated him as such. I love how he isn't shy at all and how he instantly made friends with the other kids. I loved even more watching him stand up for one of the girls on his team when a girl on another team was making fun of her. Mike and I laughed non stop at how our kid has a personality bigger then any other kid we've ever met. He laughed and joked and danced, and ran, and ran, and ran during the game, often yelling super cute things at us like "I'm doing so great Mom!" Some games he didn't even touch the ball (though there weren't many) but you would have never known that by how much FUN he was having out there! His team's name was the Blue Jays and we had two great coaches and a really fun season. I'm already looking forward to next year!

Paytin is finally just taking off with walking! I can't say that it's been the relazing period in time that it was with Brayden though. That old saying about being grateful for the down time before they get active isn't true for Paytin. Anything I had learned, besides the unmeasurable love I could have for my little ones, in parenting Brayden doesnt really apply to Paytin. Where Brayden was timid, Paytin is outgoing, where he was easily entertained, she is the busiest little body ever, where Brayden was content, Paytin is adventurous, where Brayden wanted to cuddle, Paytin is fiercely independent, and where Brayden slept and slept and slept, Paytin doesnt, like ever. Haha. I love them so much, and am so grateful for how incredibly different they are. The bags in my eyes, and constant yawning, and several cups of coffee might scream different some days, but really, my heart is so very full! But back to walking, Paytin started taking steps at one of Brayden's soccer game and has "taken off" since then. She is still very wobbley and still crawls a lot, but she is getting so great at it and she is so hilarious how everytime she sits, stops, or falls she lights up as we clap for her and she claps for himself. Like I said, she's into everything, so before she even started taking steps, she was climbing the walls and can get on the table, chairs, computer desk, couch, our beds, with no problem. She's so insanely determined at all those things, and has no patience for trivial little things like toys. She's signing a few words and saying a few words and loves to jibber jabber. But aside from that, there are some glaring similarities between her and her brother and one is their LOVE for music. I have to get a good long video of how infectiously cute their dance moves are. Brayden has a very modern, hip hop feel to his dance moves and for sure gets them from his super coordinated Daddy, Paytin loves to bop up and down and wiggle her body and shake her arms and its absolutely melt-worthy! They adore each other still but we are starting to see more of the sibling rivalry between the two of them!

Mike is doing great still, doing so wonderful at work and its hard some times to not brag about him left and right about how wonderful he does at his job. There are so many people that don't "feel" their jobs, or are just getting by in them, I have to say, while it may be insanely hard work and so demanding and challenging, Mike is the best deputy I've ever met. I really can't say enough how proud I am. It means so much to me when someone comes up and thanks me for Mike, or tells me how blessed I am to be married to him. He makes a huge difference in our community, he makes people feel safer, he makes people feel at home, and he makes other people know that the law is the law. I really can't say enough about how proud I am of him as a man, and the integrity he has that is perfectly laced with determination, hard work, and compassion. He's a gem and he's such a blessing to me!

And I'm gearing up for a busy season with the Christmas Toy Drive coming up! That and staying busy with the kids and other goings on, and its no wonder I haven't blogged in so long. I promise to get back in it for whoever checks this, and am hoping to have some cute and memorable pictures to come in the next couple weeks!

Lots of love to everyone!